Kate Austen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
boar_expert) wrote2006-10-10 01:59 pm
boar_expert) wrote2006-10-10 01:59 pm
Entry tags:
[IF] (October) D - Costume/Mask
Regardless of how duplicitous I may seem, there’s only ever been one guise I’ve ever worn...costume, mask, call it what you want but it’s the only fake front I’ve ever put up. It’s the guise of a normal girl...a good person that just got a little lost in life. It’s the one that everyone trusts...the one they all believe has to be real, because it’s so tragic, so genuine.
I give that face a lot of different names...Maggie, Annie, sometimes I keep my own name when I wear it. But that face...it’s never me. It’s the cloak I choose to wear. Sometimes, it’s a skin I prefer to walk around in over my own, because it’s what I want. I want to be normal and good...I don’t want to be the one that gets the incredulous looks and shocked, openmouthed gazes when someone realizes exactly who I am, and exactly what I’ve done...or why.
The truth isn’t as pretty as the lie. In fact, it’s pretty goddamned ugly, because the truth is that I have murder in my heart...so do a lot of people, anyone that’s ever stood before another human being, ready to take a life. It doesn’t make you a bad person...it simply makes you capable of absolutely anything. It’s the decision, not the act that makes a killer...and a killer can do anything from shooting a mugger to protect an innocent woman right down to genocide in the name of some cause that will eventually be forgotten.
The girl I pretend to be...she doesn’t have murder in her heart. Never has...never will.
I’ve been living in her skin a lot recently, because the last time I threw off the mask someone saw into me...the *real* me, the one who kills and steals and lies.
And what they saw was beautiful.
So now I wear the mask to get by...because the only way I’ll be able to leave the country is to pretend that never happened...that I’m a person who is beautiful somewhere deep down all the time, because if I have to be me...then I’ll remember. I’ll remember those eyes looking into me, reflecting back at me...I’ll remember being wanted without the mask on. *Me*...not the normal girl.
Me, the mask...we both need to run, we both have to run...but only when I wear the mask will running away from those eyes that saw me not hurt quite so much.
Muse: Kate Austen
Fandom: LOST
Words: 417
I give that face a lot of different names...Maggie, Annie, sometimes I keep my own name when I wear it. But that face...it’s never me. It’s the cloak I choose to wear. Sometimes, it’s a skin I prefer to walk around in over my own, because it’s what I want. I want to be normal and good...I don’t want to be the one that gets the incredulous looks and shocked, openmouthed gazes when someone realizes exactly who I am, and exactly what I’ve done...or why.
The truth isn’t as pretty as the lie. In fact, it’s pretty goddamned ugly, because the truth is that I have murder in my heart...so do a lot of people, anyone that’s ever stood before another human being, ready to take a life. It doesn’t make you a bad person...it simply makes you capable of absolutely anything. It’s the decision, not the act that makes a killer...and a killer can do anything from shooting a mugger to protect an innocent woman right down to genocide in the name of some cause that will eventually be forgotten.
The girl I pretend to be...she doesn’t have murder in her heart. Never has...never will.
I’ve been living in her skin a lot recently, because the last time I threw off the mask someone saw into me...the *real* me, the one who kills and steals and lies.
And what they saw was beautiful.
So now I wear the mask to get by...because the only way I’ll be able to leave the country is to pretend that never happened...that I’m a person who is beautiful somewhere deep down all the time, because if I have to be me...then I’ll remember. I’ll remember those eyes looking into me, reflecting back at me...I’ll remember being wanted without the mask on. *Me*...not the normal girl.
Me, the mask...we both need to run, we both have to run...but only when I wear the mask will running away from those eyes that saw me not hurt quite so much.
Muse: Kate Austen
Fandom: LOST
Words: 417